Sunday, August 8, 2010

Awesome Louisvillager: Fairdale Bigfoot

Image from Consuming Louisville
I am thrilled beyond belief to have been able to land a celebrity of this magnitude for just my third edition of Awesome Louisvillagers.  Unless you've been living under a rock for a year (and the Fairdale Bigfoot has, literally, been living under a rock in Jefferson Memorial Forest), I'm sure you've heard of the Fairdale Bigfoot.  This erudite and hirsute soon-to-be-internet-phenom first appeared in Kenny Mahoney's backyard motion-detecting hunting cam in September 2009 and has been regaling us with his charming tweets and thought-provoking advice ever since (I don't know about you, but FDBF's advice always provokes thoughts  for me!).  We here at Loueyville (um, that would be me) were so sorry that FDBF has opted to retire his column at the end of his first year.  But it sounds like he's got some interesting projects in the works, and I'm sure October won't be the last we hear from him.  

LOU:  Fairdale Bigfoot, you first came to public attention in September of 2009.  Shortly thereafter, you joined Twitter as @FairdaleBigfoot, and shortly after that you became a regular advice columnist on Consuming Louisville.  Tell us about your early years.  What were you doing before you came to prominence on the internet?  And what made you decide to go public?

Fairdale Bigfoot is one of the New Hampshire Bigfoots, and his early life was fairly routine for a simian monster of that stature: private tutors, prep school, Ivy League, rowing team, speed addiction, commune, travel, house in the suburbs, cult, retail, uncredited cameo in The Big Chill, you know the story. Fairdale Bigfoot moved to Fairdale in the late 80s. Fairdale Bigfoot spent most of his time playing with model trains and starring in the occasional blurry video.

Fairdale Bigfoot first became interested in writing after sending several multi-page letters to editors of various newspapers and producers of movies. The highlight of this early period is a 4,000 word essay to the producers of Congo, written on a piece of an IKEA box. That one generated some early buzz in the law enforcement community and really made Fairdale Bigfoot think about his prose.

Going public last year was a matter of necessity. Fairdale Bigfoot was caught on tape in a Fairdale resident's garden. You see, Fairdale Bigfoot thought he saw a Twix next to the tomato plants. It turns out it was a 5th Avenue bar, but by the time Fairdale Bigfoot realized the mistake, a hidden camera had snapped a picture. Fairdale Bigfoot decided to use the incident as a little free publicity to start the column. The choice of Consuming Louisville was obvious, as Fairdale Bigfoot and CL's editor Michelle were in the same book club, until Fairdale Bigfoot got kicked out. (Because apparently in that book club, it's okay to insult Flaubert, but not okay to throw a tray of cucumber sandwiches through a window.)

LOU:  I subscribe to Fox Mulder's motto:  "I want to believe."  (Or maybe I've just always been a big fan of the Monkees' song "I'm a Believer") Ever since I was a wee Lou, I have refused to discount the possibility that cryptozoological creatures exist.  Thank you for giving us believers something to hang our hats on.  Now that we know Bigfoots/Bigfeet walk among us, can you tell us what other cryptozoological creatures are "real" and which are fabrications of active imaginations?  Are there other creatures we call "cryptozoological" that you're in touch with?  Do any live in Kentucky?

That is not his motto. That is just a phrase on a poster in his office. If phrases from posters were our own personal mottos, then Fairdale Bigfoot has a few creedos. "Is it Friday yet?" "You want it when?!" and "Styx."

There are multiple cryptozoological oddities in the world, and many of them live right here in Kentucky. We regularly meet for Civil War reenactments, barn dances, rollerblading and trips to Benihana. We can really knock back the teppanyaki. As far as the others' identities, they prefer to remain secret. That may not last for long, though, as a certain swamp monster of Shively has high hopes for his screenplay.

LOU: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself from a biological perspective?  Where do you fall on the evolutionary family tree?  How are Bigfoots/Bigfeet ensuring their posterity?  What does the genealogical future hold for you?

Fairdale Bigfoot cut down the evolutionary tree and carved the trunk into a model train. Prospects for more bigfoots seem unlikely, as most female sasquatches are "not really looking for a commitment" right now. In fact, most female humans tell Fairdale Bigfoot the same thing. They say they wouldn't get together if Fairdale Bigfoot were the last bigfoot on earth...which he almost is.

LOU:  When Obama became the first "post-racial" president, I had high hopes that Louisville would have the first "post-species" mayor.  In late 2009, you announced your candidacy for Louisville mayor.  Even had t-shirts printed out.  But after a few months, you pulled out of the mayoral race, and I was disappointed, as were many of my readers.  Can you tell us why?

After all those years on the Mondale campaign trail, Fairdale Bigfoot was confident he step out from behind the scenes, but the podium was too daunting. It brought back bad memories of throwing coffee at interns and slashing Mario Cuomo's tires. Fairdale Bigfoot didn't want to bring that side of himself back from retirement.

LOU: You're set to retire from the advice column business in October, and while we all value your privacy, I was wondering what kinds of things you'll be up to in the future?  You will be missed, no doubt.  We hope you don't fade back into obscurity.  

Let's just say the Shively Swamp Monster isn't the only one who has high hopes for that screenplay. Look out, L.A. Executive Producers, Fairdale Bigfoot is coming for you.

Contact Fairdale Bigfoot for advice while you still can at and visit his weekly advice column at Consuming Louisville (the link will lead to back issues of his column in case you've got some catching up to do).  

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