Anyway, yesterday I was reveling in the news that our president not only shot a segment with my favorite uber-geeks, the Mythbusters, but also invited them to the White House. And I remembered an article I wrote for Subcrawl... and dug it up in ye olde computer archives. Seeing that it's (A) a Louisville-area-based article and (B) Subcrawl is long dead, I figure it's A-OK to reprint it here.
An Open Letter to the Town of Columbus, Indiana:
As a frequent visitor to your beautiful and unique small town, I have been charmed by the astounding architecture—from the library designed by IM Pei and the bank building designed by Saarinen to the cozy Victorian homes downtown.
I have sipped upon hot mochas at Jitters, gotten drunk on New Years Eve at the Eagles Lodge while watching a grown man prance about in an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini, and breakfasted on biscuits and gravy at the Moose (the half portion is large enough for a lumberjack). It’s a great town, full of great people.
Columbus has enjoyed many honors in recent years. It was named one of the “Ten Most Playful Towns” by Nick Jr. Magazine. The National Trust named it a 2005 Distinctive Destination. And the city is ranked sixth in the US for architectural innovation by the American Institute of Architects.
It is in this spirit that I write to protest the fact that Columbus has failed in bestowing sufficient honor upon its most illustrious native son.
Yes, I recognize that Columbus has many “favorite sons” (alas, few daughters) to choose from including Chuck Taylor (of the Chucks sneakers fame) and Clessie Cummins (who created the Cummins diesel engine).
Yet, as a visitor enters the town the “Welcome to Columbus” sign is flanked by two “Home of…” designations. Home of Tony Stewart, race-car driver extraordinaire. Home of Don and Ross Barbour Original Members of The World Famous Four Freshmen, who are, according to their website “The Best Vocal Group of All Time!” (Note that there have been TWENTY-TWO incarnations of the Four Freshmen since 1947).
It is with heartfelt love for your town that I urge you to consider bestowing the great honor of a “Home of” sign to Jamie Hyneman, the oddly sexy walrus-mustachioed co-host of Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters, and 1974 Columbus North High School Graduate.
Hailing from Indiana farm country, Jamie Hyneman is a not just a Mythbuster-- he's a multifaceted man: wilderness survival expert, boat captain, diver, linguist, animal wrangler, machinist, and chef. His career has been equally diverse: Jamie earned a degree in Russian languages and literature and ran a sailing/diving charter business in the Caribbean for several years before he moved over to the visual-effects industry.
I’m sure Tony and Don and Ross won’t mind sharing their roadside space with a genius of Hyneman’s stature. I’m sure Hyneman would appreciate the nod (as long as you don’t put his high school picture on the sign).