Cure for the Bullhockey: Sean Cannon as a Bear

Every once in a while, you stumble upon something that makes life just a little bit better.

When you say to yourself: "Self, there's a whole lot of bullhockey in the world. This thing you have found-- it negates just a little bit of that bullhockey."

This is one of those things.

And there's been a lot of bullhockey lately.

So, it's a good time to share it with you.

I've been pretty vocal on Twitter about my love for Sean Cannon, the "After Dark" dj at WFPK. So much so that it made the one time I met him a little bit awkward-- for me at least. (I think I hugged him-- what can I say? I'm a hugger!)

I'm convinced Cannon is my musical soulmate. One particularly glum evening, I was sitting in front of my computer, probably blogging, and Cannon whips out a series of tunes-- Pixies, Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr, Counting Crows, and Grant Lee Buffalo (there may have been one or two songs in between)-- that made me want to crawl through my computer and give him a big ol' smooch.

And congrats to Cannon for having the "After Dark" podcast featured glowingly on the USA Today website recently.

Cheyenne Marie Mize is a Louisville treasure, one of those unforgettable voices and stage presences. And her song "Wishing Well" is ludicrously catchy.

Put Sean Cannon in a bear costume in a mall with a tambourine to a "Wishing Well" soundtrack... it's a cure for the bullhockey, folks.  Not all of it, mind you. But if this little video doesn't make you smile, you're in dire straits, my friend. Maybe you need a hug. From me. Get on over here!

Flat Stanley in Louisville

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that I've been hosting a Flat Stanley for a couple of weeks. If you aren't in education or don't have a wee one in your family, you may have no idea what I am talking about.

Flat Stanley is a character from a book from the 1960's, a little kid who is squished by a falling bulletin board (scary, right?) who then discovers certain advantages to being "flat" including the fact that he can be mailed to far away places for vacation. Somewhere along the line some smart educators decided to use Stanley in their lesson plans as a way to teach their little kids about geography and different cultures.  Students are given a Flat Stanley to send to a friend in another city; that friend is supposed to show Stanley around, take pictures of Stanley visiting city landmarks, and then send Stanley and the pictures back to the originating classroom.

My Stanley came all the way from a kindergarten class in Needham, MA and my favorite cousin's son, James.

Even though early on in Stanley's visit my cousin told me that I shouldn't write a blog for Stanley because the kindergarten has sketchy tech... well, heck, blogging is kind of my thing.  I couldn't help myself.

For the actual project, I turned the blog into a powerpoint and send the printed slides back to Needham with Stanley (along with a box of Modjeskas from Muth's because I want James's Stanley to be everyone's favorite Stanley).

If you want to see all the fun things Stanley and I did during his visit, check out the blog Flat Stanley In Louisville. As with all blogs, posts appear in reverse chronology.

Disclaimer #1: I'm writing for kindergarteners... expect simple language and oversimplification of facts at times.

Disclaimer #2: Yes, James calls me "Missy." No, you may not call me "Missy."

Enjoy!

Kentucky Wonderful: Will Russell's Amazing Dream

Man, I hate it when I'm late to the "great stuff is happening" train.  I especially hate it when that great stuff is something so totally up my alley that it's like it was dreamed up just for me.  Seriously.

Stuff like: Kentucky Wonders, the Cave City attraction in "scheming phase" helmed by Why Louisville's (and Lebowski Fest's) Will Russell.

I just spent some time browsing around the website.  My response?  Murmured expressions of amazement. A few little yips of glee.  And a general, "You've got to be kidding me. This place is like my spiritual home."

In brief (there's already been a great lengthy article in the LEO about it), Kentucky Wonders will be a road-side attraction of the old school Rock City/Weeki Wachee ilk.  According to the website it will feature:

- Kentucky Rushmore - A large structure featuring effigies of Kentucky icons looming over I-65 which will be the premiere attraction of Kentucky Wonders.
- Kentucky Wonders Amphitheater - An outdoor amphitheater for hosting festivals, live music, movie parties, plays, puppet shows and the like.
- Kentucky Dream Factory - An artist residency program studio and living space where artists will create installations on site in the tradition of roadside attractions and ultimately fill the land with a sea of amusements.
- Kentucky Haunted Museum of Oddities - Interactive dioramas created by artists themed around local legends such as Hillbilly Sasquatch, Kentucky Giant, Pope Lick Goat Monster and the like.
- Kentucky Wonders Campsite - An area for camping and recreation.
- WHY Kentucky - A gift shop with souvenirs designed by artists around the theme of Kentucky, Cave City and roadside attractions. 

Roadside attractions, and "oddities" in general (and that Discovery Channel show? how much do I love that?!), are a particular passion of mine. I collect snow globes for gosh's sakes. I interviewed Fairdale Bigfoot.  My college essay-- the one that got me into an Ivy League School-- was about how much I loved a book called, I think, "The Encyclopedia of Kitsch." I have a bust of Elvis and a two-foot plastic penguin in my living room (his name is Buckley). 

I want in, Will Russell. I just wish Cave City weren't so far away.

Summer To-Do List: Louisville MEGA Cavern

Welcome back to the summer to-do list. Last time I blogged about something practical: a clothing resale shop called Clothes Mentor (that's an odd name, isn't it?) Today I have something more fun in mind.

I can't believe I haven't been to the MEGA Cavern yet.  I'm a cave nut.  I'm the opposite of claustrophobic.

One of the best-- if not the best-- memories I have is spelunking in an underground cave in New Zealand. It was a six-hour expedition, and we were outfitted in scuba suits under jumpsuits, helmets with headlights, knee pads, elbow pads.

Rappelling down underground waterfalls.  Swimming underwater through underground tunnels, not knowing if the tunnel would end before you ran out of breath.  Drinking hot cocoa, halfway through, in a cave lit by glow-worms. Ascending, finally, at the end of the expedition by climbing an underground cliff-face and out of a literal hole in the ground and emerging in a grassy meadow full of cows.

Night had fallen when we were in the cave, and when we squiggled out of the narrow hole, we were confronted by a night as dark as the cave, lit only by the brightest field of stars I've ever seen.  Amazing.

Of course, Louisville MEGA Cavern is nothing like that. Not really sure what those caps are all about in "MEGA."  Nor have I ever understood the difference between caves and caverns.  But there are 17 miles of caverns located under Louisville.  Many of them man-made, at that!  And Louisville MEGA Caverns will take you on a Jeep tour of many of them. And if you "check in" on Facebook and show them you've checked in you get $1 off your ticket price.

So, that's totally on my Summer To-Do list.  Go visit Louisville MEGA Caverns.

Bless their hearts, but here's something that's NOT on my To-Do list: in July they will open a huge, underground Mega-Zipline.  Awesome, original, exciting.  And I'll tell you more about it when I hear more about it.

But I will NOT be giving it a test run.  My fear of heights is insurmountable.  Really.  Paralyzing. Awful. I can't even climb a ladder to paint the tops of my 12' walls. Really.

That being said... on that same trip to New Zealand, I bungee jumped off the first commercial bungee jump spot in the world-- and the second highest at the time-- on the bridge above the Kawarau River with the AJ Hackett Company.  Yes, I was trying to impress a guy.  No, it didn't work... at that moment (probably because I cried and swore like a crab boat captain on the Bering Sea during the whole experience). But I did end up dating him a couple of months later.  Hey, I was in my stupid twenties. It is what it is.

Wait, We Did What, Louisville?

Oh Louisville... you're so silly...


I'm a nerd for many things, but I'm primarily a pop culture nerd. So of course, the EW.com RSS feed is in my Google Readers.  I'm not a huge fan of Kathy Griffin, but a few episodes of her "My Life on the D-List" convinced me she's a real sweetheart sometimes AND that I desperately need an assistant.


Anyway, when EW reprinted Griffin's bio from the Playbill for her new Broadway show, I had a few chuckles.  Most of it is hilariously fictional:

Broadway: Speed-the-Plow (with Jeremy Piven, sushi-taster no. 4); Macbeth (Macbeth’s wisecracking red-headed sidekick); Les Miserables (Jean Valjean’s funny flame-haired henchwoman); The Iceman Cometh (Iceman’s sharp-tongued best friend); Neil LaBute’s I Hate You But I Won’t Say It Till It Can Do The Most Damage (dead whore); Cats (Fierce-y Tattletail MacHairBall); Sweeney Todd (Pie Eater No. 3); Chicago (Mrs. Cellophane); Your Arms Too Short to Box With God: A Soaring Celebration in Song and Dance (God’s fight promoter); Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark (head stuntwoman, fired).

The only non-jokey category appears to be this one:

Awards: Ms. Griffin has received two Emmy awards, having been nominated seven times. She has also received three Grammy nominations, the GLAAD Vanguard award, the Trevor Project’s Lifetime Honoree award, the Human Rights Campaign’s Ally for Equality award, a 2007 GAYVN award (aka gay porn), the key to Louisville, and the 2011 Tony Award (fingers crossed!)

Uh, did you catch that?  The key to Louisville??  (A little Googling, and I find out that this happened in 2006, and only five people showed up to the ceremony.)


I used to think that my biggest aspiration was to be a Kentucky Colonel.  Scratch that!  I need the key to the city.  Stat!  And what exactly does this key open...?  

Mark it: Lebowski Fest next weekend!

I know that this may make me terminally uncool, but I was way more into the idea of Lebowski Fest before  it took to the road.  I know we've recently had a similar discussion about the spread of 21c Hotels-- although I find that far easier to take now that the 21c folks are saying that Louisville will still be the HQ-- and I know that I run the risk of being the opposite of a NIMBY person, an OIMBY person (Only In My Back Yard).  But I just kind of feel like when you franchise quirk (and I know, the original Lebowski Fest folks run all the Fests), you kind of dilute the quirkiness.

That being said, Lebowski Fest was one of the things that made me excited to move to Louisville.  I'd been following the Fest for a couple of years but hadn't been able to attend because of summer work schedules.  And when I signed my contract for my Meatspace Workplace here in Louisville, I had a lightbulb moment-- "OMG!  I'm moving to the home of Lebowski Fest-- you've got to be kidding me!!"

I have my doubts that I'll make it this year-- there's a whole slew of stuff going on in town at the same time-- but it starts this Friday, the 16th.  The Movie Night offerings are particularly good with music performances by the Felice Brothers and Thomas A Minor and the Picket line (who totally rocked last year's Nulu Festival before the monsoon).

To borrow a phrase*: "This is why we can't have nice things"

C'mon Louisville, really? A Kentucky-based KISS cover band had almost $10K worth of gear and props stolen right before they're about to hit the "big time." Well, cover band "big time." Which can mean only one thing: VEGAS.

According to WLKY, KISS Army's trailer was stolen with all the gear inside. They have suspects-- two guys who showed up at a resale shop, trying to unload some of the goods. But the goods themselves are still missing.

Steve (who withheld his last name), who plays the Peter Criss role in KISS Army said:

"Here we are, right around the corner from creating our finest moment in our history, and to have someone potentially derail that is heartbreaking... We're starving and striving at the same time. We can't afford to have something like this happen."

Good luck to the 18 year old band!

Read the full coverage at WLKY (via MSNBC.com)

*Phrase borrowed from Jake of www.thevillevoice.com and @cattleprod

Open Letter to Local Nerd: Louisville Dude Builds "Working" Stargate

Dear Jacob Yarmuth, Loueyvillager nerd with serious disposable income,

Please invite me to your house to check out your very sweet Stargate media room. I see you have seating for two (at least). I will bring my copy of Jaws (what? It doesn't just show nerdy flicks, does it? And I've been dying to see Jaws on the big screen for years.), and all the ingredients to cook up a nice batch of Lou's famous hot buttered rum.

I play very well with others. I don't talk during movies. And I love, love, love things with flashing lights and fancy buttons.

Thank you for your consideration,
All the best,
Lou

PS. I'm single.

Check out Jacob Yarmuth's nerdtastically awesome room on SciFi Wire.

For the Area Blogger Who Has Everything...

I've been a very good girl this year. Well, sorta kinda. But, Santa, if you really want to send a little holiday something my way, bourbon always works. And if you want to send a little BIGGER holiday something my way, I'll take a bourbon WITH the works.

Specifically, the Maker's Mark Masters Distiller package offered on page 58 of this year's Neiman Marcus Holiday Fantasy catalogue. Here's the description.

Any whisky aficionado will tell you it is perfection in amber. Maker's Mark® Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky is handmade in small quantities of just 19 barrels, each batch distilled and aged with the same exacting standards the Samuels family has passed down for seven generations. As Master Distillers for a day, you and a friend will have an all-access VIP experience like no other, with Master Distiller Kevin Smith as your host. You will participate in the unique whisky-making process step by step, for an insider's look at how every detail makes every glass a special occasion. This gift experience includes a two-bottle memento of the rarest Maker's Mark bottles ever: Two golden bottles will be etched with your likeness and dipped in gold wax with 24-kt. gold flecks. You'll also get to hand dip six of your own 375ml Maker's Mark bottles in signature red wax and take them home. The experience includes luxury accommodations in Louisville and a gourmet dinner hosted by Bill Samuels, Jr. (the top dog at Maker's Mark).

It's only $7500. A genuine bargain compared to the $200,000 you'd have to spend on the Algonquin Experience-- dinner and chit chat with 12 of the biggest literati brainiacs in America. That's for one night. And dinner. Yes, you can bring a friend, but yeeesh... not to be crass, but for that price I'd expect Henry Louis Gates, Jr or John Lithgow to agree to be sperm donors. (And I DON'T mean that in the MOST crass way-- I simply mean that they'd have to agree to father my future brainaic child. Sheesh.)

Check out the book here:

Monday Evening Randomness: Theater, food, and Southern Belles

Not that that last post about vacationing downtown wasn't random, but here's a little more Monday Evening randomness for you.

• Pandora Productions' The Kathy and Mo Show has been getting super good reviews. Both officially and via hearsay. Tickets sold out a couple of nights this weekend. There are still a few shows left. I plan on going on Wednesday, "Singles Night." Because, well, why the hell not.
  
  
• Speaking of hearsay, rumor has it that this weekend's Dashboard Confessional with the Louisville Orchestra Concert was fabulous but WAY under-attended. A friend said that the entire balcony was empty. The next big shindig of this sort is Airborne Toxic Event and Calexico on Jan 10.... or is it?? Hey, why isn't it on the Louisville Orchestra Calendar? Airborne Toxic Event just blogged about it not that long ago. I assume it's still a go.
  
  
• The lovely Michelle, at Consuming Louisville, invited me to join her and some friends at the JCC's production of La Cage Aux Folles last week, part of the Center Stage series. A TON of fun! La Cage has closed, but there are four plays coming up: Cabaret - Jan. 14-31; The Last Five Years - Feb. 11 - 21; The Wizard of Oz - Mar. 11-28; Curtains - May 6-16. I'll be checking a few out for sure.
  
  
• Did you know Southern Belles is now available on Hulu? I'm pretty sure it's all the episodes! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! (she chortled in her joy)
  
  
• And a big ol' Loueyville raspberry to the folks at Cracked who insulted Kentucky cuisine with their illustration. Check out the "7 Secrets Only Two People Know (for some reason)" post-- they talk about the spices in KFC. Hot Browns? Derby Pie? Burgoo? Benedictine? The Mint Friggin Julep? Sheesh, some people.
  

Louisvillagers on the Red Carpet!

Yeah, yeah, I love House too, but look who's standing right behind Cuddy at the Emmys! It's one of our favorite Kentucky Colonels, Kynt from the Amazing Race! And that mass of pink fluff behind him belongs to the other half of the "dating Goths," Vyxsin!

How the heck are you guys?

I have to admit, K & V dropped off my radar when they left Possibility City for Hollywood, but it's nice to see their star is still shining bright enough to light up this year's red carpet.

Good on you, kids! Look at him smile. He's clearly a Huddy supporter.

Ok, I'm really showing my pop culture knickers now.

Picture from www.ew.com

Random Tuesday Randomness: Swayze, Kanye, Jugbands, and more

How about this weather, Louisvillagers? Can't beat it. It's hard to stay sad for too long when the weather is this beautiful. And Lou's been battling the blues this week:

• First there was Sunday's season-ending loss for the Bats at Slugger Field. Thanks to our Bats for providing another amazing year of some of the best cheap fun to be had in Louisville. Those damn Durham Bulls. They're our Captain Hammer.
  
  
• And now Swayze. Sigh. If you haven't seen him in Keeping Mum with Rowan Atkinson and Maggie Smith, rent it now.

On the positive side of things:

• Hear Obama call Kanye a "jackass." Yeah, I know it was supposed to be off the record and all that, but I couldn't help but beam when I heard this. Especially considering my one degree of separation from the Taylor Swift scandal. Obama's probably going to catch crap for this, but I love it!
  
  
• I came home from work today all fired up to make some beef stroganoff but not really wanting to head to the grocery store. And then I was reminded that it's two-for-one burger night at the Monkey Wrench. I always forget that the Tuesday deal at the Monkey Wrench is one of the best cheap eats deals in town. I'll hold off on the stroganoff.
  
  
• Don't forget that this weekend is Arts in the Highlands-- September 19 & 20. The weather is supposed to be beautiful again.
  
  
• You can make it a full weekend of festivals by hitting the Arts in the Highland on the 20th and enjoying America's Happiest Music at the Jug Band Jubilee on September 19.
  
  
• Please, please tell me you're following the Fairdale Bigfoot on Twitter. And on Facebook. His new advice column will appear at Consuming Louisville soon. Email questions to fairdalebigfoot (at) gmail.com. Rumor has it, the Manbeast may run for mayor of Louisville. (no, I don't mean Uncle Mayor Jerry-- he's already said he won't run again).
  

Coming soon... NULU Festival, IdeaFestival... It's a good time to be a Loueyvillager.

Buddy Bat has a... Female Bat Friend

Sigh.

According to five minutes of research on the interwebs, there's no word for a female bat. There's no word for a male bat. They're just "male bats" and "female bats." So much for a clever post title.

Anyway, there's a cute article about Jeremy Sharfe in today's CJ. He's Buddy Bat at the Bats games and at around 90 other appearences each year. And a teacher. And a musician. And boyfriend. Bats are, you know, notoriously high strung.

You know Mama and her thing for mascots... Was disappointed that Buddy was off the market. (Mind out of gutter, fair reader. It's a harmless giggly fascination not a full blown fetish.)

And even though the weather sure doesn't feel like it, don't forget that the Bats home opener is just two days away. And the Reds just sent our Homer Bailey back home to us, and he's probable to pitch. (Bad news for Homer = good news for Bats fans. Sorry dude.)

Play Ball!

The Dudes Have Spoken

The 8th Annual Lebowski Fest will be July 10 & 11 here in Loueyville. Mark it.

We'll let you know when tickets go on sale.

Colonel Sander-san Rises from the Deep

I know there was all kinds of hoopla (or non-hoopla as it were) with PETA protesting (or not really protesting) a presentation by YUM brands to the GLI yesterday. And that's a story that's good for a giggle (even more giggle-worthy because I watched it unfold on Twitter).
But in my mind the REAL YUM-based news today is that the Japanese dragged a larger-than-life-sized statue of Colonel Sanders out of a river after 24 years.

And check it out... he's Asian!

I know that this may seem a very backwoodsy comment to make, but I didn't know that when the US exported mascots and such to other countries, they made them local-appropriate. Do they? Is Ronald McDonald black in Africa? (Couldn't find that on Google images) I'm looking at the KFC Japan website and the Colonel doesn't look like the dude they pulled out of the river-- he looks like the dude on the chicken buckets here.

I'm very confused. But intrigued. What companies alter their mascots for export? Anyone know?

Lincoln nogging? Yes, please!

Am am bonkers in love with Why Louisville's new Lincoln head pillow by Big Stone Head. I must own, please.

Only $24-- a steal!

Lincoln's big noggin will look lover-ly on my red couch.

Reason #65725 I Don't Watch American Idol

Apparently when Idol was in Louisville, Paula (Ms. Abdul if you're nasty) freaked out and took it as a threat when a contestant said, "Be careful" on his way out the door. I admit I haven't heard "Y'all be careful" as a sort of Southern "ta ta now" very often. But sure I've heard it.

What makes turns this mess into a whole lot of awesomeness is that American Idol apologized. Like, officially. To, like, the city, I think. Comments on their website suggested that the "Be careful-er" was a bit odd and threatening. But still.

What makes it even better? Perez Hilton picked up on it.

Reason #65726 I don't watch American Idol: according to my monkeys on the ground (a bunch of teenaged girls), there really wasn't very many people from LOUISVILLE on the Louisville show. Lame.

Do Banjos Count?

Rick at the Ville Voice mentioned in passing today that there's still a law on KY's books that requires that Metro Council members (and other elected officials) must swear an oath that they haven't fought in a duel.

The Secretary of State website sez:

In Section 228 of the state’s constitution there remains a link with Kentucky’s violent past. That link is the famous “dueling clause.” Since 1891, the commonwealth’s officials have had to swear or affirm that “since the adoption of the present Constitution, I being a citizen of the state, have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within the State or nor out of it, nor have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons [or pianos? that would be okay by me... reference my distaste for dueling pianos, here], nor have I acted as a second in carrying a challenge nor aided or assisted any person thus offending, so help me God.”

I don't know why, but that just made my day....

The Boyz

Every so often, Mama likes to check out what her brothers and sisters on the interwebs are doing, and today she stumbled across the Food Boyz, the restaurant review website created by a local optomotrist and a local podiatrist. Like Loueyville (for the most part), the Boyz (it annoys me to type that "z") acc-cen-tuate the positive in the city and post only positive reviews of the best the city has to offer.

It's a bit outdated (although who can blame them with the rate at which businesses are blipping out of existence) and still posts reviews of Lemongrass Cafe, Brownings, and Park Place-- all no longer with us, RIP. It also still lists "smoking" as an option in reviews and still answers that question with "yes" for many places (C'mon Boyz, it's been more than a year). But the reviews are very thorough and feature bios and recipes for many of the area's top chefs.

There's something very odd about this site. What first caught my eye was the fact that they cover four areas with the site: Cincy, Loueyville, Napa, and Martha's Vineyard. Huh? My family has a house in Oak Bluffs, and I try to get up there once a summer. Before you get all excited and say, "But, Lou, I thought you were from very humble beginnings! You have a rich uncle hidden away somewhere??" let it be known that it's an aunt and uncle, and they bought the house with chump change in the early 1970's before the Vineyard became all Clinton-y and Vinyard Vines-y and Black Dog-y (Black Doggy?).

Anyhoo, the site only features five MV restaurants (none of which I've ever been to) and no "alternatives" (cheap places that I probably would have been to) and further exploration of the site leads to a notice to "bring foodboyz.com to your city" by franchising. Francising? Does this means you pay the Boyz to start your own city's Foodboyz and then try to make scratch by selling ads? It's all a little loopy. Has the MV site been franchised out? The Napa site?

Again, the reviews are wicked thorough and the site itself is snazzy as heck. Definitely check it out.

Mama's being all judge-y here, but I just can't shake that "z"...

Loueyville About to Be A Little Less Weird

Speaking of local celebrities, a source in the know told Lou that "the pink and black attack," Louisville's own "dating Goth" celebrities, Kynt and Vyxsin, have packed their patent leather bags for a move to LA. (In fact, their MySpace page lists LA as home.)

"There are only so many gay pride events in Louisville," says the source. "Every time they travel, they're booked solid for events."

Kynt and Vyxsin have parlayed their Amazing Race fame into appearences on two of Rosie's family cruises, modeling gigs for Hot Topics stores, and a profile in this month's Gothic Beauty magazine.

Also, it's "their" episode of Amazing Race that's been nominated for six emmys this year. (The episode, titled "Honestly, They Have Witch Powers or Something" is the one where they're elminated in India).

I'm sorry to see them go. I never met them, but I liked having them around. Unlike Tracee Dore, who seems to have dropped off the face of the earth-- a google search yielding articles in local newspapers all lead to dead ends-- Kynt and Vyxsin did their hometown superproud.

(Gasp! While digging around for stuff on Dore, I discovered oodles online that Mikey V., the cop from Miami, was suspended from the Miami PD over allegations that he appeared in a gay bondage adult film called Rope Rituals, 1996!! And that he's not only gay but very out and for some oddball reason HGTV sat on that fact, despite being so very gay friendly. Weird.)