The Man Who Should Be Columbus, Indiana's Favorite Son

A blue million years ago (ie. 2005-06) an LA-based Pop Culture blogger took note of my Katrina New Orleans blog and asked me to join her small stable of writers.  It was a fun (unpaid) gig.  Right up my alley.  And I enjoyed the national exposure.  Then one day the blog (Subcrawl.net) just... disappeared.  So sad.  Too bad.


Anyway, yesterday I was reveling in the news that our president not only shot a segment with my favorite uber-geeks, the Mythbusters, but also invited them to the White House.  And I remembered an article I wrote for Subcrawl... and dug it up in ye olde computer archives.  Seeing that it's (A) a Louisville-area-based article and (B) Subcrawl is long dead, I figure it's A-OK to reprint it here.  

An Open Letter to the Town of Columbus, Indiana:

As a frequent visitor to your beautiful and unique small town, I have been charmed by the astounding architecture—from the library designed by IM Pei and the bank building designed by Saarinen to the cozy Victorian homes downtown.  

I have sipped upon hot mochas at Jitters, gotten drunk on New Years Eve at the Eagles Lodge while watching a grown man prance about in an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini, and breakfasted on biscuits and gravy at the Moose (the half portion is large enough for a lumberjack).  It’s a great town, full of great people.

Columbus has enjoyed many honors in recent years.  It was named one of the “Ten Most Playful Towns” by Nick Jr. Magazine.  The National Trust named it a 2005 Distinctive Destination.  And the city is ranked sixth in the US for architectural innovation by the American Institute of Architects.  

It is in this spirit that I write to protest the fact that Columbus has failed in bestowing  sufficient honor upon its most illustrious native son.  

Yes, I recognize that Columbus has many “favorite sons” (alas, few daughters) to choose from including Chuck Taylor (of the Chucks sneakers fame) and Clessie Cummins (who created the Cummins diesel engine).

Yet, as a visitor enters the town the “Welcome to Columbus” sign is flanked by two “Home of…” designations.  Home of Tony Stewart, race-car driver extraordinaire.  Home of Don and Ross Barbour Original Members of The World Famous Four Freshmen, who are, according to their website “The Best Vocal Group of All Time!”  (Note that there have been TWENTY-TWO incarnations of the Four Freshmen since 1947).

It is with heartfelt love for your town that I urge you to consider bestowing the great honor of a “Home of” sign to Jamie Hyneman, the oddly sexy walrus-mustachioed co-host of Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters, and 1974 Columbus North High School Graduate.

Hailing from Indiana farm country, Jamie Hyneman is a not just a Mythbuster-- he's a multifaceted man: wilderness survival expert, boat captain, diver, linguist, animal wrangler, machinist, and chef. His career has been equally diverse: Jamie earned a degree in Russian languages and literature and ran a sailing/diving charter business in the Caribbean for several years before he moved over to the visual-effects industry.

I’m sure Tony and Don and Ross won’t mind sharing their roadside space with a genius of Hyneman’s stature.  I’m sure Hyneman would appreciate the nod (as long as you don’t put his high school picture on the sign). 

Kind regards, 

Lou

Derby to Do: James McMurtry at the Fest-a-Ville

Earlier this year when everyone and their Uncle Leo were taking sides on Team Coco and Team Leno, I couldn't have been less interested. Sure, if pressed, I would have sided with Team Coco rather than Team "Get off my lawn!" but Coco and Leno fall distant third and fourth on my list of late night personalities. I've always loved Letterman and his crazy socks. Loved him even through his disappointing sex scandal. But for the past few years, he's been #2 on my list.

I am firmly and unwaveringly on Team Fergy.

Tomorrow night at this time I will be tucked away at some restaurant or bar somewhere in Cincinnati waiting for the 730pm Craig Ferguson show at the Taft Theater. I'm so excited that whenever I think about it, I spontaneously clap.

And because I'm so excited about this show, I took a legit personal day (my first non-medical day off in eons!) on Wednesday so I could enjoy the show properly (read: have a few Manhattans afterward) and then indulge in two of the only things to like about Cincy the next day: IKEA and Trader Joe's.

But, we can't linger too too late in Cincy. After all, the best Derby Festival events are on Wednesday night: The Great Steamboat Race at 6pm and James McMurtry at the Fest-a-Ville at 7:30pm.

McMurtry probably hates that when most people mention his name, they immediately say "son of writer Larry McMurtry," but when you have serious pop culture cred like that, what can you expect? Seriously, Larry McMurtry, probably best known for writing the Pulitzer Prize winning book and best mini series of all time, Lonesome Dove, is American literary royalty. There are probably people who go see James McMurtry shows just to see what Larry's offspring sounds like.

I wonder if the younger McMurtry has ever had a beer and bitch session with Jakob Dylan?

Anyway, like Jakob Dylan, James McMurtry ain't no Brooke Hogan. He's a genuinely talented singer-songwriter who's been putting out decent to great Texas Rock/Americana records for more than two decades. Entertainment Weekly (which faithful readers know is one of Mama's weaknesses) called him "the truest, fiercest voice of his generation." (If EW says it, it must be true.)

Tennessee singer-songwriter, Will Hoge, is opening up for McMurtry. Hoge played at Waterfront Wednesday in August 2009-- the Waterfront Wednesday that ranks at #1 on the list of "most sorry that I missed" (it's a short list, kids. Mama don't miss WW very often) so I am super-psyched to get a second chance to check him out.

The Steamboat Race, Hoge, and McMurtry can all be yours for the low, low price of one Pegasus pin. Gotta love this town!

Leave it to an Irishman to make a Great KY Beer

So last week, in my beverage and horseracing tour of the Lexington area, I also had the pleasure of stopping in on the Alltech Kentucky Ale brewery right in downtown Lexington. Really, they should start calling it a "brewery and distillery" because right in time for the World Equestrian Games (of which they're the primary sponsor) they'll be rolling out their own whiskey (Pearce Lyons Reserve), and eventually bourbon, distilled right there in the downtown campus.

Is it a blessing or a curse that I just can't stand cheap beer? This hasn't always been the case. I was raised on cheap beer (somewhat literally, I had four young uncles when I was growing up, and they got a kick out of sneaking "the kid" a few sips of their Bud during gatherings). In college, I drank Rolling Rock when I was feeling flush and PBR (without a hint of irony) when I was broke. In fact, I distinctly remember one day my senior year having just under $10 left on my credit card (explains my history of poor financial management) and using it to buy a case of PBR and a small box of Grape Nuts.

So I'm the worst kind of beer snob. Expensive taste with absolutely no knowledge. But I like what I like. (see: my taste in wine)

Two nights before my KY Ale tour, Roommate and I popped into Mellow Mushroom near UK's campus to watch the Red Sox game. They lost, but it turned out it was trivia night and we came in second (from way behind on the final question-- I take no pride that I was the only person in the bar that could successfully match the type of animal to the person who it either mauled or killed). We earned a $25 gift certificate which effectively paid for half the night. Of course this has nothing to do with anything; I'm just bragging that we came in second in a trivia night packed with young whippersnapper college kids.

Oh wait, it is relevant. I brought it up because it was the first time I'd tried Kentucky Ale. And, in short, it's really good stuff. I like what I like, and I like it a lot.

I wish I'd taken notes. I didn't think it would take me more than a week to get a blog post up about the tour. So, as usual, pardon the ramble.

Alltech-- the parent company of KY Ale-- is a company founded in the early 80's by Dr. Pearce Lyons who moved from Ireland to the US. They make animal vitamin supplements, primarily with yeast-derived products. On the website, Dr. Lyons says, "People often ask us why a global company that’s in the business of science also owns a brewery. Well, to make a long story short, my forefathers in Ireland had their hand in the brewing business and crafting beer casks when barrels were made out of wood. Today, my own family is in the business of making yeast that happens to also go into the making of beer. So, it was a natural for us to revive the brewery that has been in Lexington since 1794."

So Lexington Ale has been around for more than 200 years, but it has changed hands a bunch of times. The last time it went out of business, in 1999, Lyons snapped it up. The first beer they produced was the KY Ale-- a blend of an Irish Red and an English pale ale. Since then they've added KY Light, which is a German style beer, and Bourbon Barrel Ale, which is KY Ale aged in a used bourbon barrel.

The tour reveals a tiny facility where they brew and bottle the beer and distill the spirits (which are casked and aged and bottled in Bardstown). But this year is a huge year for the Brewery; they're not only sponsoring the World Equestrian Games but unveiling a new facility that will more than double their space. We were shown the plans, and it looks gorgeous.

At the end of the tour, we were shepherded into a tiny Irish pub and given generous tastes of all three of the beers. The KY Ale remained my favorite. I'm not a fan of German style beers. And while the reviews of the Bourbon Barrel Ale are fabulous and it's won a ton of awards, I wasn't a fan. One of my fellow pub-goers said that it tasted like "bananas," and while I didn't really agree, that sorta stuck with me.

I had no idea that Kentucky Ale products were only available in KY and OH. Part of the reason for the bigger facility is so that they can expand distribution. And I'm just loving their sponsorship of the World Equestrian Games-- even though I know nothing about horsey stuff, I know that this event is a big deal and means lots of money for and eyes on the region. Whenever I can, I like to "drink local," and heretofor BBC products have been my go-to beers. But now I'll add Kentucky Ale to my drink dance card, happy to support a true local brewery that's committed to the state.

**disclaimer: I was led to the brewery by a blog/twitter reader who works in PR for the brewery. I took the standard 3pm daily tour. But I was given a couple of souvenirs at the end of the tour. They didn't, however, influence me in the slightest. No t-shirt is ever gonna make me blog about bad beer.

I'm a Woman and I Love Bourbon: Buffalo Trace

As it has been well established in this blog, Mama loves her bourbon. Mama loves her bourbon and only takes it neat or with a little ice. Don't mix my bourbon with any of your damn crap. Sure, I love me a Manhattan. And come this time of year, I do love the julep. But for the most part, give me the bottle and maybe a few cubes, and I'm happy. But I'll come back to that.

This past week, Roommate and I ventured to Lexington for a couple days to hit Keeneland. I do so love Churchill Downs, but Keeneland is so beautiful, especially this time of year, especially on a really gorgeous spring day (which it was not... we spent the whole race day inside).

We eschewed the highway both ways, so on the way to Lex, we just squeaked into the final tour at Buffalo Trace Distilleries in Frankfort (don't freak out when you go to their website, the buffalo on the home page snorts at you-- LOUDLY!). Big Mama Lou and I had hit many of the big distilleries a few years back-- Jim Beam, Maker's, Heaven Hill, etc-- but Buffalo Trace had been off my radar. Until, that is, I got an email from their marketing department announcing their "Blogging for the Buffalo" program.

So, I thought I'd check them out. Again, more on that email later. I want to get to the really really good stuff first.

As I said, I've hit the bigger distilleries, for the most part, but our tour of Buffalo Trace taught me more about bourbon than all those other tours combined. Our tour guide... I think her name was Becky... was lovely and patient and so well-versed in both the history of the distillery and bourbon in general-- it was fantastic.

As with most tours, it ended in a tasting room where we got to sample two wee shots of several offerings. Roommate and I shared our shots. He got the Rain vodka (which is made from 100% organic corn and has been winning vodka competitions worldwide) and something called White Dog Mash #1 (which is a 125-proof distillate which Becky cautioned us not to "sip"). I'm not a big vodka drinker, but I swear the Rain vodka was simply fantastic. There are several different flavors to choose from-- very exotic stuff like Lavender Lemon-- but the plain vodka was so good I would be happy drinking it straight. The White Dog? Wooo boy. Becky was right. First of all, it tastes very strongly of corn. Secondly, it feels like it's stripping stuff off your esophagus going down. And that's not always a bad thing. Roommate liked it so much that when it came time for us to both to choose a bottle to buy (we limited ourselves to one each), he bought it. And it fairly did me in later that night at the hotel.

I chose the two bourbon offerings: the standard Buffalo Trace and the Eagle Rare. If I'd had either before, I didn't remember it. But honestly, I really enjoyed the slightly cheaper Buffalo Trace more than I did the more expensive Eagle Rare. But what I bought I didn't taste til I brought it back to the hotel later that night: the bourbon creme, which is only available currently at the distillery. And damn if I didn't wish I'd bought more. If you like any sort of creme drink (I'm thinking Bailey's), but prefer a stronger liquor bite, this is your drink. Becky showcased the creme with a mixer of Dr McGillicuddy's Root Beer, so we also bought a 6-pack of that, but we haven't tried that concoction. I sure hope Buffalo Trace opens up the distribution of the bourbon creme sometime soon, or I'll have to head back to Frankfort.

And on our way home, we stopped at the Liquor Barn on Shelbyville Road to pick up some wine, and I bought a bottle of Buffalo Trace. Glad to have it. Darned good stuff.

Overall, I had an awesome time at the distillery and couldn't recommend it strongly enough. Go go go! And I discovered a few beverages that I just love. Not to mention the fact that I learned that Buffalo Trace is owned by Sazerac, the quintessentially New Orleans old-timey drink company. Love it. I do.

So why am I so "meh."

Back to the email. If my blog drives the most unique viewers to Buffalo Trace's new Saloon site, I could win a party for all my zillions of visitors.

According to the email: "We will show up in your town with plenty of bourbon and throw you & your blog the ultimate Buffalo Trace party on your home turf. The party can be at a bar, your offices, your home, even your back yard. Your [sic] gonna want to win this, the party will be EPIC!" Spelling error forgiven, who wouldn't want that? Sure, I don't have a buffalo in the dust bowl's chance of winning, what with my thirty or so loyal readers. But I started to fantasize. It was just about this time last year I threw a party at Casa Lou and opened it up to blog readers. Celebrating my Cancerversary-- I plan to throw another one again. Wouldn't it be nice if Buffalo Trace picked up the booze tab? And what do y'all get out of it? A chance to win a Derby package. Good for you, good for Mama. It's all good.

But today I visited the Buffalo Trace Saloon. And it bummed me out. I'm loving this company, loving their beverages, loving their facility... but... well, you'll see. And I am fully prepared to field all kinds of eyerolls at my issues with this....

At the entryway to the "saloon" you're met with a blond more scantily clad than a Hooters chick. And once you enter the "saloon" one of your options is "Bourbunnies." I'm not linking to that. Find it yourself. But it's basically ten pages of women-- some professionally photographed, some not-- in either lingerie or bikinis-- and their Playboy-style profiles. Stats, favorite place to drink Buffalo Trace, best/worst pick-up line.

Sigh.

So back to the start... Mama loves her bourbon. She drinks it the way it should be-- neat or on ice. That doesn't mean she "drinks it like a man." It means she knows good bourbon and how to drink it. And one of the reasons I love living in Louisville is that when I order bourbon on the rocks, bartenders don't give me that "whoa, but you're a chick" look. I can't count the number of times I've ordered bourbon on the rocks in New England/the Northeast and have had the bartender say, "Wow, really? You're hardcore." Or some variation on that.

I hate that Buffalo Trace is perpetuating the idea that bourbon is a MAN'S drink.

I am A-OK with companies using sex to sell stuff. It's one of the primal human urges. Link your stuff with a primal human urge, it will sell. But I do have a problem with companies "gendering" stuff. (I know, eyerolls from many of you. It's okay. You can disagree with me.) And clearly, Buffalo Trace's Saloon is saying that their bourbon is a man's drink. That stinks. And it bums me out. Sure all those cuties drink Buffalo Trace... but they're not in their skivvies for me, right?

So I won't be pushing for that party... I was never a contender anyway. I wouldn't turn it down, duh. It's free bourbon. Free bourbon that I have come to like quite a bit.

Has there ever been a bourbon that has marketed to women? Fill me in, I'd love to know.

Help a Sister Out: Staycation Recommendations?

So, my big fancy plans to head down to New Orleans for French Quarter Festival next week were bludgeoned by my stunning lack of funds. Mama decided to be a "big girl" for a change and use her tax refund NOT for oysters and beer in the Quarter, but for paying off a few bills and some pending household improvements. Boo, big girlness.

After a brief visit to New England to visit Big Mama Lou for her 60th birthday (if New England is still there this weekend... my hometown declared a State of Emergency today for flooding), I'll be back in town. But just because I'm sticking around doesn't mean I'm not decidedly BREAKING on my Spring Break.

So suggestions, gentle readers? What haven't I done around town or within a short drive that just needs to get done?

Tweetie @mizhellion already suggested:

• Brown County, Indiana
• Foxhollow Farms
  
• Maker's Mark Distillery (already done this but Roommate hasn't been)

I'm definitely planning on hitting Keeneland for a day. And because I'm a member of the Mellow Moment's club at Four Roses Distillery, I've been invited to a tasting of their 100th Anniversary Limited Release on April 9. (You know, you really really should sign up for all of our local distilleries' members clubs-- the special events and benefits are fun!)

Because Elk Creek Vineyards has been so kind to send me some wonderful wines over the past year, I might go check out their vineyards. They have a lodge there, so that's a possibility for an overnight.

Any other thoughts? Is there stuff right in my own backyard that I'm missing. (I'm the girl who spent five years in NYC and only decided to go to the top of the Empire State Building on her last day in town!)

Comment below, tweet me (@loueyville), or send me an email at lou (at) loueyville.com. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Bonnaroo 2010 Line-Up Announced: It's (Stevie) Wonder(ful)!

You know how Mama loves her Bonnaroo. Personally, I think if Bonnaroo had a contest for "most strident fan," I'd have a story that would make the top ten. In 2008, I had a bilateral mastectomy twelve days before Bonnaroo... and went anyway. Everyone thought I was nuts. My surgeon tried to outright forbid me to go. But Roommate realized that I was determined... that it was in some ways symbolic to me... and he got in touch with the Bonnaroo folks, secured us handicapped status, and made all kinds of preparations for three nights of camping with a desperately hurting, somewhat disabled, but very determined fan.

I went to Bonnaroo 2008 drugged up on a buffet of painkillers and with every kind of anti-bacterial crap available. I slept in a tent that was wall-to-wall pillows. We had handicap proximity camping and handicap seating at the big stages. And I had the time of my life. Or I think I did. I honestly don't remember all that much about Bonnaroo 2008, thanks to the copious (but very legal) drugs I was taking.

The one thing I remember, clear as a bell? Seeing Pearl Jam, one of my favorite bands, for the first time, and feeling like Eddie Vedder was singing "Alive" just because I was there. It chokes me up just thinking about it. It was a transcendent moment.

But this year, Roommate is running his workshop (www.writersretreatworkshop.com) during Bonnaroo. Speaking of crying, I nearly cried when he told me he wouldn't be able to go to Bonnaroo 2010. I kind of think of it as "our thing." The 2008 experience really cemented that in my noggin. So I said this year that I wouldn't go without him unless one of my Big Three were headlining: U2, REM, or Leonard Cohen. (In my head, I sort of also added Prince, Madonna, and Tom Waits.)

But this year's line-up, while lacking my Big Three (or Medium Six), is pretty drool-worthy, and I'm rethinking my vow (he WANTS me to go, so it's not a betrayal!).

Here's the line-up. There's sure to be a few more acts announced.

Dave Matthews Band • Kings of Leon • Stevie Wonder • Jay-Z • Tenacious D • Weezer • The Flaming Lips with Stardeath and White Dwarfs perform "Dark Side of the Moon" • The Dead Weather • Damian Marley & Nas • Phoenix • Norah Jones • Michael Franti & Spearhead • John Fogerty • Regina Spektor • Jimmy Cliff • LCD Soundsystem • The Avett Brothers • Thievery Corporation • Rise Against • Tori Amos • The National • Zac Brown Band • Les Claypool • John Prine • The Black Keys • Steve Martin & the Steep Canyon Rangers • Jeff Beck • Dropkick Murphys • She & Him • Against Me! • The Disco Biscuits • Daryl Hall & Chromeo • Jamey Johnson • Clutch • Bassnectar • Kid Cudi • Baaba Maal • Kris Kristofferson • Medeski Martin & Wood • The xx • GWAR • Dan Deacon Ensemble • Tinariwen • Wale • Deadmau5 • The Melvins • Gaslight Anthem • Miike Snow • The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band • Dr. Dog • They Might Be Giants • Punch Brothers • Isis • Blitzen Trapper • Blues Traveler • Miranda Lambert • Calexico • OK Go • Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue • Martin Sexton • Lotus • Baroness • Dave Rawlings Machine • Mayer Hawthorne and the County • Japandroids • Jay Electronica • Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros • Ingrid Michaelson • The Dodos • Manchester Orchestra • The Temper Trap • Cross Canadian Ragweed • Big Sam's Funky Nation • Carolina Chocolate Drops • Needtobreathe • Tokyo Police Club • The Entrance Band • Local Natives • Brandi Carlile • Mumford & Sons • Rebelution • Diane Birch • Monte Montgomery • Julia Nunes • The Postelles • Lucero • Here We Go Magic • Hot Rize • Neon Indian • B.O.B

For the Area Blogger Who Has Everything...

I've been a very good girl this year. Well, sorta kinda. But, Santa, if you really want to send a little holiday something my way, bourbon always works. And if you want to send a little BIGGER holiday something my way, I'll take a bourbon WITH the works.

Specifically, the Maker's Mark Masters Distiller package offered on page 58 of this year's Neiman Marcus Holiday Fantasy catalogue. Here's the description.

Any whisky aficionado will tell you it is perfection in amber. Maker's Mark® Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky is handmade in small quantities of just 19 barrels, each batch distilled and aged with the same exacting standards the Samuels family has passed down for seven generations. As Master Distillers for a day, you and a friend will have an all-access VIP experience like no other, with Master Distiller Kevin Smith as your host. You will participate in the unique whisky-making process step by step, for an insider's look at how every detail makes every glass a special occasion. This gift experience includes a two-bottle memento of the rarest Maker's Mark bottles ever: Two golden bottles will be etched with your likeness and dipped in gold wax with 24-kt. gold flecks. You'll also get to hand dip six of your own 375ml Maker's Mark bottles in signature red wax and take them home. The experience includes luxury accommodations in Louisville and a gourmet dinner hosted by Bill Samuels, Jr. (the top dog at Maker's Mark).

It's only $7500. A genuine bargain compared to the $200,000 you'd have to spend on the Algonquin Experience-- dinner and chit chat with 12 of the biggest literati brainiacs in America. That's for one night. And dinner. Yes, you can bring a friend, but yeeesh... not to be crass, but for that price I'd expect Henry Louis Gates, Jr or John Lithgow to agree to be sperm donors. (And I DON'T mean that in the MOST crass way-- I simply mean that they'd have to agree to father my future brainaic child. Sheesh.)

Check out the book here:

Writers Retreat Workshop: A Novelist's Best Bet... and so close!

Once upon a time, Lou lived in New York City for five years (actually, four years then a break and then another year). Do you know how long it took Lou to get to the Empire State Building? She went the last day she lived there during her first four year stint. Do you know how long it took Lou to get to Coney Island? She visited the last week before she left for good. Do you know how long it took Lou to get to the Statue of Liberty? She saw it once, from a distance. Do you know how long it took Lou to get to the Twin Towers (yeah, they were still there)? She never did.

All of this is just to say that sometimes Lou has great stuff in her back yard, and she just... never gets around to it.

Such is the case with the Writers Retreat Workshop. WRW has been a huge part of my life for the past seven years, ever since I first attended in 2002. Many of my bestest friends are folks I met through WRW, and Roommate is the Big Kahuna of the program. And though I've linked to WRW, I've never actually written about it... even though it's right in our back yard.

The Writers Retreat Workshop was founded by Gary Provost in 1987 and has been held in May/June in Erlanger, KY at the Marydale Retreat Center for the past umpteen years. It is a 10-day workshop for novelists who are seriously committed to honing their craft and getting their manuscripts ready for submission. This year, for the first time, WRW is being held twice-- it's going on right now and another session will take place August 22-30.

This is not a workshop for the hobby writer. This is Boot Camp. You will be worn out and ragged after ten days. But as Mellencamp says, it hurts so good. The program maxes out at around 30 writers, so there is tons of individual attention. During your stay, you'll study under published and accomplished writers, you'll have chances to meet with editors and agents, and you'll have a hell of a good time during the little downtime you're able to snag.

Writers who have served as students, instructors, or guest lecturers over the past few years: Nancy Pickard, TJ McGregor, Michael Palmer, Jennifer Cruisie, Jack Getze, Kimberly Frost, Ayelet Waldman, Christine Goff, Janet Chapman, Arthur Golden, Donald Maass, Gregory McDonald...

Back in 2002, I won the program's Robin Hardy Scholarship-- a full scholarship for a new attendee. This year's scholarship winner is another Louisvillager (I wasn't a Louisvillager at the time when I won). Winning that scholarship is easily in the top ten list of best things that's ever happened to me. I've attended three or four WRWs since then-- sometimes just dropping in to take a few classes and visit with friends (I'm lucky enough to be in good with the Big Kahuna. Most people can't do this.) And every time I go, I learn more great stuff and make more great friends.

That scholarship application for August is open until June 5. If you're a novelist and serious about buckling down and becoming the best writer you can be, this is something you should shoot for. And even if you don't win, it's an awesome investment. Once you've been to one WRW, you are part of an incredibly supportive, smart, and dynamic family. I'm so thankful I stumbled upon the program online in 2002. It changed my writing and it changed my life.

Bonnaroo Tix Have Arrived! Let Summer of Awesome Adventures Begin!

Ah... Bonnaroo. This is year three for me & Roommate.

On the surface, Bonnaroo seems like the most un-Lou thing in the world:

• I don't do drugs. And neither should you. (PSA brought to you by the "Ask Me About My Other Vices Coalition of America")
  
  
• Despite the fact that I'm a liberal wing-nut, I don't particularly enjoy the company of hippies. (All that hula-hooping and hacky sacking and juggling sticks stuff makes me nuts.)
  
  
• I am crowd-phobic. And I have a particular aversion to drinking in crowded places. (After my first day of drinking at New Orleans Jazz Fest, I never had another drink at Jazz Fest in the other seven years that I went. Booze + crowds + sun = freakout!)
  
  
• I despise jam bands. (A twenty minute drum solo?? Really??)

But I do love my 'Roo. I do love camping. I do love any excuse to be dirty. (Yeah, take that however you want to, dear reader.) There are few things I love more than good music outdoors. I love the (overpriced) food. I love the marketplace, even the stalls that sell the strange hippy shit. I do love drinking back at the tent, listening to bands in the distance. I do love the people watching. It's all good. It's all fantastic.

But 'Roo '09 is just stop one in Lou's Summer of Awesome Adventures. The day after we get home from Bonnaroo, I'm hopping a plane to Halifax, Nova Scotia where I will be meeting up with a friend that I haven't seen in probably fifteen years to accompany him on a road trip through Newfoundland and Labrador.

Have we been in touch all these fifteen years? Uh, no. Am I basically taking a two week roadtrip with a Facebook Friend? Uh, yes. That's why it's called an Adventure.

What's the worst that could happen? (Rest assured, we have many mutual friends, all of whom attest that he's not a crazy ax murderer. Phew.)

Then we're back in the Ville for the month of July and then off on a solo road trip up the East Coast from Baltimore to Boston and beyond. Thelma and Louise without the Louise and without the whole-driving-a-car-off-a-cliff thing.

Why is Mama filling you in on her summer plans now? Because the Summer of Awesome Adventures officially begins in around six hours. (Cue: "School's Out for Summer!") Woo Hoo!

I'm looking for local adventures, too! I'll keep you posted!

Watch Troy Live: Local Drummer to Attempt Record Breaking Marathon

Thanks to Matt at Derby City Espresso for highlighting this on his Facebook page. A Louisvillager, currently stationed in Kuwait, will be attempting to break the Guinness World Record for an individual drumming marathon. Troy Slocum will try to drum for 125 hours in honor of Louisville Slugger's 125th anniversary, and you can watch him live-- starting in just seven hours-- on his website.

Troy "started off learning percussion playing with street musicians at local art and music festivals, taking several road trips to play bucket drums at Mardi Gras, Hooka Fest, All Good Fest, Bonnaroo Fest and New York City subway stations, and further molding his talent with lessons from teachers at Mom's Music and Flying Hands of Kentucky."

Check out the website for the live streaming and for all the rules and regulations that Guinness imposes. Drum, Troy, drum!

Save the Date: Bouchercon 2009 in Indy

I know, I know, we're jumping the gun a bit here, but I've always wanted to go to Bouchercon, and now that it's going to be so nearby I don't have any whinybaby excuses for missing it. Bouchercon is the World Mystery Convention, the largest annual meeting of mystery writers and mystery fans.

The event features Michael Connelly as the Guest of Honor and is October 15-18 (I know, I know, I can barely plan what I'm doing tomorrow let alone what I'm doing in EIGHT months, but I thought I'd give y'all a head's up).

The best part of these events are usually the panel discussions. And the list of attendees features a lot of great writers and a couple of great writers who are Friends of (this) Lou including: Jack Getze, author of the Austin Carr series including the books BIG MONEY and BIG NUMBERS and dear, dear friend of Lou, and Nancy Pickard, Edgar & Agatha winner and acquaintence of Lou.

Just before this event on October 14, Sisters in Crime is presenting "SinC Into Great Writing!" a dinner, seminar, and keynote event featuring Nancy Pickard and friend of Lou, NYC Literary Agent Donald Maass. Register here.

Something Else to Look Forward To

Lou will once again be attending Bonnaroo this year.

How could she not with a line up that includes: Willie Nelson, Pearl Jam, Robert Plant & Allison Kraus, BB King, Sigur Ros, Ben Folds, Drive-by Truckers... and so on? You can see the full line-up at www.bonnaroo.com.

You can check out Lou's coverage of Bonnaroo 2007 here.

Memory Lane Food: decades of sating the rumble down under

I imagine that deep in the woods of the Smoky Mountains all the hibernating bears are thinking about the same thing that this urban hibernator is thinking about: food. Too cold to explore the city, too grouchy to socialize, we're stuck dwelling on one activity that requires minimal exertion and no engagement whatsoever.

Lou recently got back from a too-short visit to St. Petersberg, Florida. Once upon a time, I spent a couple of years living across the bay in Tampa. Next to visiting with friends and generally defrosting, I had a single driving mission: have a meal at the historic Columbia Restaurant.

And it got me thinking, if I were to leave Louisville tomorrow, what food would I miss the most?

But let's take a trip back in the ol' Lou Time Machine and visit some of the past hometown foods I miss most.

We'll skip over the baby days. Let's face it, nostalgia alone renders the homecooked meals of my family far superior than anything we ever ate at restaurants. I'm a sucker for New England Clam Chowder, but no one will ever make it better than my G-pa. I love me some red meat, but my grandmother's grilled steak tips still cause me to put the pedal to the metal in anticipation as I drive to her house. My other grandmother made a kicking Vineyard Herbed Chicken; I have the recipe, but it's never as good. My aunt's Edna's Pot Roast-- she's not Edna; I don't know who Edna is-- and her Yorkshire Pudding... hubba hubba. Ma wasn't much of a cook, although she's gotten better as she's aged; I still make her lasagna and stuffed peppers.

Anyway, first stop NYC. It's been more than a decade since my college days, and some of my favorite joints may be defunct. I haven't been to the city since 2000, so I haven't had a chance to check it out. Let's see what a little web-diddling can produce.

• Distaster in the first click! The West End Gate on Broadway near Columbia closed in April 2006. Opened in 1911, haunt of the Beat generation and members of the Weather Underground, and the site of many a Columbia student's first underaged drink in a bar, the West End also had a killer grilled chicken salad with blanched broccoli. I don't ever think I ate anything else there, and believe me, I ate (and drank) there often.


• Strike Two: there's no listing online for Cafe 112, the pseudo Italian restaurant on 112th and Broadway that offered a cheese raviolli with alfredo sauce, ham, onions, and peas. Again, I don't think I ever ate anything else there. (I'm that kind of diner, by the way. Loyal to dishes.)


• Thank goodness! I finally found a mainstay of my New York City diet that is still in business. Yaffa Cafe on St. Mark's Avenue between 1st and A. And, bless their hearts, they still have the Avacado Melt-- simply an avacado with your choice of melted cheese (muenster!) and a side salad with tahini dressing for (now) only $6.95. The homefries there were also memorable.


• I'm on a roll-- clearly the East Village hangs on to its haunts-- Dojo also on St. Marks near 2nd Avenue. You don't often see burgers served on pita bread. It came with a side salad with tahini dressing (I still have a thing for tahini dressing), and I used to stuff the whole salad into the pita with the burger. Still a deal for $5.95.


• How crazy is this: by my senior year, I was going to Ollie's Noodle Shop at least twice a week for dinner. I have still never had steamed vegetable dumplings that good. But my meal of choice from this noodle restaurant (and-- GASP-- no longer on the menu??!!): Spaghetti. Hey, it's noodles.

Of course, there were other places that tickled my tummy or served as a home away from home. Most notably: the Hungarian Pastry Shop on Amsterdam between 110 & 111. I think I owe them rent for all the many hours I spent there during my four years of college. There was a Chinese restaurant on Amsterdam called the College Inn which had decent food but became a regular date place because the food came with free, cheap white wine. It didn't matter if you were 12, they'd serve you-- and serve you, and serve you, and serve you.

Leaving on a jet plane for Tampa, Florida.

• It's kind of interesting that my all-time most-missed food is a salad, the 1905 Salad at the Columbia Restaurant. Over the past few years, friends from Tampa or friends that have visited Tampa have made it a routine to gift me with a few bottles of the dressing, but somehow it's still not the same. Just about everything on the menu of this 103 year old Cuban establishment is amazing. Swanky without the swanky prices. Pretty much my ideal restaurant.


• Tampa is the city for Cuban food and the first Cuban restaurant I was introduced to was Carmine's, also in Ybor City. I never quite got the taste for it's famous Devil Crab-- kind of a sour (if I remember correctly) deep fried crabcake-- but the Cuban sandwiches and roast chicken are amazing. It's always one of those quandries when you visit: one or the other. Carmine's is open late and also has wonderful Cuban cafe con leche.

This trip down memory lane will have to be continued. My trusty laptop sidekick is hungry too. Coming soon: New Orleans and the Ville!

Elizabeth Edwards in Lexington

Here’s a tip for faithful readers: You know something matters to Lou when she hops in the ol’ (check engine light’s been on for months) jalopy and drives a significant distance to be there. Mama don’t like to drive.

But this morning, jalopy (still proudly emblazoned with the Kerry/Edwards ’04 bumper sticker) and I chugged our way down Highway 64 all the way to Lexington to see Elizabeth Edwards at a Small Change for Big Change fundraiser. I’d started to think that there wouldn’t be many people there. The Edwards campaign had been emailing me daily for weeks and had called me twice within the past few days. Lexington seemed an unlikely venue—a much redder city than Louisville in this red state.

Yeah, I was a little wrong about that one. I got to the Downtown Arts Center fifteen minutes early, secured a second-row seat in the black box theater, and looked sympathetically at the campaign workers, desperately trying to fill the seats behind the stage so that, on camera, it would look like there was a significant crowd.

And then people just kept coming and coming, and pretty soon all the seats were filled and people were sitting on stairs, standing in the corners, getting a little cranky as time ticked by, 5pm came and went, and still no Mrs. Edwards.

Then the head of the Young Democrats of Kentucky took the stage, apologized for the wait and explained that Mrs. Edwards was on CNN as he spoke, talking to Wolf Blitzer. The crowd let forth a harmonious, “Oooooohhhh!”

Jonathan Miller, Chair of the Kentucky Democratic Party and State Treasurer, introduced Mrs. Edwards. Handsome and eloquent, Miller seemed genuinely behind the Edwards campaign and cited Mrs. Edwards’s recent spat with Ann “I sold my soul to the devil for pretty blonde hair” Coulter as evidence that with Mrs. Edwards we would be sure to have a First Lady of genuine grace and civility. This came up often during the evening, people congratulating Mrs. Edwards on her strength and courage.

She’s shorter than she looks on TV and in pictures. And older, too. She took the stage with confidence, spoke eloquently about every single issue that the audience threw at her, and genuinely knew her stuff.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been married once, and never at any point during my marriage—even the salad days, though there were admittedly few— would I have ever, ever trusted my husband to speak for me and represent my beliefs to anyone, anywhere. That’s probably a shit example because, clearly, we were not on the same page (any page, ever). Heck, I’ve dated some amazing men, men whom I felt deeply understood me and my beliefs, and still, I never in a million years would have been comfortable with them going out and yammering on about what I think to anyone, anywhere.

But Mrs. Edwards seemed “on message” 100% of the time. And her husband’s policies seem to be her own as well. This is an amazing thing. She didn’t just buy in; it was apparent that she had co-authored or co-imagined these ideas. And that’s what impressed me most. John and Elizabeth Edwards have a vision for America. And it’s a good one.

In her opening remarks (which were brief, she said, so she could get to questions), she mentioned that her 30th wedding anniversary was coming up next month, and as they were moving, she’d come across her wedding album with a copy of their wedding vows. In their wedding vows, John and Elizabeth pledged to not only love and protect, but also to work together to help those who were less fortunate. She said that back then it seemed like the optimistic vision of two naïve 20-somethings, but that in retrospect, “it’s been the map for our lives.”

Lord, if you can’t love that then…

I had the privilege of being able to ask a question. I told her that tomorrow—today, now—marks my one-year anniversary of living in Louisville after having moved here from New Orleans. I thanked her and her husband for the attention that they have paid to my home city. And I asked her what John would do, specifically, to help rebuild the levees in New Orleans. She didn’t really directly get to the heart of my question except to say that she knew that John wanted to assemble the “best minds” of engineering from all around the world to address that issue. But what impressed me most is that she said that as soon as he was in office, he would appoint “one person” who would be the liaison to the city that would report to him “daily.” Someone who—every day—he would ask, “What did you do for New Orleans yesterday?” Wholly accountable to him.

Not bad. It’s a start.

She answered questions about outsourcing (we pay taxes and companies who send business overseas are subsidized? That’s bullshit.), healthcare (100% universal, citizens paying no more than 4% of their wages), immigration (use unmanned drones to detect border crossers, penalize people who hire unlawful immigrants, give immigrants and their families a clear path—with penalty involved— to citizenship), cancer (if cancer were a nation, we’d wage war, better fund the NIH), the loss of her son (it’s like having your leg cut off, no one asks you if you’re over the loss of your leg, you just learn to walk on one leg), Veterans’ benefits (each Vet should be assigned one case worker who is also a Vet), and the war in Iraq (John is really, really sorry he voted for it), all with integrity and good humor.

When talking about immigration, she said that even though there’s no “ding” on the door, when you walk into Blockbuster, even if you can’t see a worker, some worker somewhere, says, “Welcome to Blockbuster!” If they have the technology to know that someone has entered Blockbuster, why can’t we use that same technology to detect when an immigrant has crossed the border? (And what IS that technology anyway?)

When talking about her battle with cancer, she said that when people say that they pray for her health, she tells them to, instead, pray for the health of Supreme Court Justice Stevens.

A woman, a cancer survivor, gave her a necklace that she has worn every day for the past ten years. Mrs. Edwards remarked on the sisterhood of cancer patients and apologized for not being able to put it on because chemo had caused neuropathy in her hands and she can no longer button the clothes of her children or grasp the clasp of jewelry. It made me cry. A terrible reminder that this is a woman who could be dying. It was the first question (comment) of the evening, and no matter how jazzed up you could be from that point on, it just felt so horrid and wrong that this voice was springing from a woman in deep, mortal pain.

One of the last comments of the evening came from a man who self-identified as a registered Republican, but whose son had died of cancer in March. He’d written a book about it and gave it to her, asking if she would read it and consider giving him a blurb. For those of you who don’t know (and bless the Edwardses for not putting this more center-stage), Wade Edwards, their 16 year old son, was killed in a car crash in 1996. Wade, by all accounts, was a remarkable kid. And as a response to his death, the Edwardses founded the Wade Edwards Foundation which funds an after-school program for students in North Carolina, and he is an inspiration for the Edwards campaign policy to make the first year of college free for every American.

When in the presence of Elizabeth Edwards, it’s so easy to imagine her at the helm of this country in one way or another. It’s a keen reminder of how disappointing the wife of the Current Occupant has been. Seems like Laura Bush’s only achievement has been convincing her husband to read “some Shakespeares” from time to time. And that’s a sight better than her mother-in-law, who seemed like a pretty nice lady, but who upon visiting Katrina evacuees in the Astrodome said that “so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."

Unlike these ladies-who-lunch, Mrs. Edwards calls to mind another strong and strong-headed First Lady. Dare I say it, but there’s a whiff of Hilary Rodham Clinton to her.

I came to the event 95% sure that Edwards was my man. I left and immediately affixed the bumper sticker to the jalopy. It’s official, folks, the Loueyville website heretofor endorses John Edwards for the Democratic Nominee in 2008, and without question endorses Edwards for president.

Loueyville Special Edition: Bonnaroo 2007-- WE HEART HIPPIES

“We HEART Hippies.” I had a fantastic time at Bonnaroo 2007, but no moment during the entire festival gave me quite the giggles, the joy, and the pleasurable mild befuddlement than seeing those words scrawled in pink marker on the drive-in window at the Manchester, TN Starbucks on our way out of town. Welcome Bonnaroo Festival! We Heart Hippies!

I would never self-identify as a hippy. I hate jam bands; in fact, jam band music is just about the only type of music that I plain cannot listen to. Roommate dragged me to hear Widespread Panic at Bonnaroo and I was bored senseless. I don’t do drugs. At all. None. Unless you count coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, and Advil. That put me (and Roommate) in the vast minority this past weekend.

But I missed the New Orleans JazzFest, an event I regard as my birthday, Christmas, and Mardi Gras rolled into one, for the first time in nearly a decade this year, and Bonnaroo seemed a fair alternative. In the past six years, the event has evolved past the typical jam band hippy fest to offer a more diverse spectrum of entertainment.

But right from the outset, I need to make it clear that Bonnaroo is not what I would call “my scene.” So take any criticism that I may offer with that nugget of salt. And also know up front that despite my non-hippy (although Roommate may argue with me), non-stoner, jam-band-hating status, I had a hell of a good time.

And I didn’t come away from the event HEART-ing hippies. I got pretty sick of stoned people. And at times I felt kind of nostalgic for the time when being a hippy actually meant something more politically and socially significant. But the organizers of Bonnaroo did a heckuva job, in general, and I’ll certainly be back.

Read on for a Loueyville Special Edition: Bonnaroo 2007.

Loueyville SE: Bonnaroo 2007-- Getting there & Camping

Roommate and I left Loueyville at 2am-ish on Thursday morning and started the five or so hour trip to Manchester. Stopped in Murfreesboro for some Steak and Shake around five and then in a rest stop for an hour snooze. And when we arrived in the Manchester area around 7am CST, there were already thousands of cars lined up at the exits. After an hour waiting at exit 112, we were diverted to exit 127. Around an hour later, we were parking at our campsite.

Lou’s Roo Camping Tip #1: Although there is conflicting information on the web, it seems as though it doesn’t make a hugo difference what time you arrive. Within a few hours of arriving I heard people complaining that they’d gotten there super-early and that latecomers were getting better sites—that the Roo folks appeared to be filling the campsites from back to front. Our walk from site to CenterRoo took around 20+ minutes; it was tolerable, but inconvenient, especially if, as Roommate said, you want to “get your drink on” in between acts.

Popped up the tent, and then took tent #2 and hiked to the open camping site. Open camping is much closer to CenterRoo, but it is first come, first served, and my midday on Thursday it looked like a refugee camp. The idea was that I would camp at Open Camping and Roommate would camp by the car, but it became pretty clear to me early on that I was not going to feel comfortable sleeping alone in such a crowded space. This served up some pretty hearty conflict between Roommate and I for the remainder of the festival, as I moved into his tent. I do feel bad about imposing upon him, but in my defense I stand by the fact that Open Camping is no place for a woman alone. I don’t mean to play the gender card, but he didn’t get it.

Lou’s Roo Camping Tip #2: If you don’t mind a postage stamp sized piece of real estate, Open Camping is a great alternative to staying with your car. Get there early. Be prepared to lug your gear close to a mile. The smart folks brought dollies or wagons to pull their gear. As soon as you get there, make sure you stake your claim on all of the space that you need. Anything not taken up by a tent is free space for another Roo-er. I recommend a tent and a separate shade canopy no matter where you camp. That way you have both a sleeping space and a hang-out space. Bring a good flashlight because at night the place is a maze of tent stakes and people.

The first night, we cooked out steaks and veggie skewers. Everyone who walked by our tent ogled our meal. Amazing what two pieces of meat and sticks of mushrooms, peppers, and onions will inspire in people; we were the envy of our ‘hood. The third night we drunkenly cooked up some hot dogs. That was the extent of our camp-cooking experience.

Lou’s Roo Camping Tip #3: As your site location is a bit of a crap-shoot, don’t plan on many meals at home-base. I brought the makings for iced coffee but the milk spoiled by day 2. Powdered milk would have been a better option. Breakfast eaters might be better served by home cooking but neither I nor Roommate are big on breakfast. We brought fruit for light snacks in the morning. Lots of beer and wine and alcohol. A 24-pack of water served us for the entire trip, but next time I’ll probably bring two. It wasn’t unusual for me to drink three bottles before even setting out for CenterRoo in the morning.

Lou’s Roo Camping Tip #4: Bonnaroo is a joy for low-maintenance people. It’s probably hell for high-maintenance people. I sweat buckets and buckets. Suffered a bit of heat exhaustion one day. I was dirty ALWAYS. I have blisters you could bounce quarters off of. I spent too much money. I felt overwhelmed by options much of the time. But as I said, I had a blast. That being said, I am relatively low-maintenance. I am also brushing up against the age when I will no longer be quite so low-maintenance. In the not-so-distant future, I may only consider Bonnaroo if I can (A) pay for VIP tickets or (B) rent a camper.

Lou’s Roo Camping Tip #5: Things I brought and forgot:
Things I brought: A box of antibacterial hand-wipes that served as our “shower” all four days. It’s amazing the difference that three or four of those will make to your dirty, dusty body. I felt dirty all the time, but at least I went to bed feeling relatively fresh. Gatorade, while yucky, does a better job of hydrating you in the morning than plain water. I froze three bottles before leaving and they helped keep the cooler cold and helped me feel better in the morning.
Things I forgot: A big jug for water—I could have filled it at water stations and actually washed off properly. A camp shower would have been ideal. A bathing suit for aforementioned camp shower. Grilling tools—simple whoopsie on my part. A shade tent—definitely a must for hanging out outside and even for providing additional shade for the tent which turned into a broiler by 8am.

We left Roo around 11am on Monday, long after the traffic had died down, but it still took us an hour to get on the highway. I don’t know the answer to that; I doubt that there is one.

Loueyville SE: Bonnaroo 2007-- An Alternate Universe

On Saturday morning, Roommate and I sat at the New Moon coffee shop tent in CenterRoo and met some of the people who worked there. One of the guys said that it was his second Bonnaroo and that he explained the event to his friends as being “like an Amsterdam in the US for four days.” That’s the best description of the Bonnaroo environment that I’ve heard. Note that he said this as he lit up a bowl and commented that he could still taste last night’s opium in it.

Drug use is overt and ubiquitous at Bonnaroo. Back in the day when I was in college, I had a couple of friends who dealt pot, but most were casual users and normally so broke that the most they could hope to score was a dime-bag from time to time.

While waiting in line for the Flight of the Conchords/Demitri Martin show, I watched as the girls behind us lit up a joint as thick as my thumb and smoked the whole thing down to the nubbins in fifteen minutes. No single “drug” moment struck me more than that. Had my college friends gotten their hands on a joint that fat, they would have taken two hits, stubbed it out, and pocketed it for another day—or at least a couple hours later. When we arrived at Bonnaroo, we saw cars pulled over and bags of pot the size of small pillowcases confiscated. Clearly it was mostly for show (and an instance of profiling in the extreme—our car was barely examined).

Only 46 arrests were recorded at Bonnaroo (and we saw one of them, an unruly man pinned down by no fewer than three security folks on the second day), so anything goes and anything for the most part goes unpunished at Bonnaroo.

People are definitely friendlier at Bonnaroo. The official Bonnaroo website encourages attendees to reach out to people, to make new friends, to ask questions. And that’s a fantastic thing. We didn’t make any lasting friends this year—partly because I’m such an introvert—but we did have some wonderful conversations.

Varying degrees of nudity is popular at Bonnaroo. And frankly, back when I was a wee 98 lbs, not so many years ago, I might have taken part. (And this depresses me a little; I like to think I’m of the “be-proud-of-your-body-type” feminist camp, but all the cute, wee young women in sarongs and duct-taped or body-painted nipples intimidated).

My one teeny concession to this atmosphere was that I let the girls fly free for a few days. It may not seem like such a big deal, but once upon a time there was probably a young Lou much like me who prayed very hard to Our Lady of Perpetual Endowment in hopes of being granted giant bazooms. Unfortunately, Our Lady must have been a bit distracted because I was granted said bazooms instead of that girl. Bazooms that have continued to expand even into my early thirties such that I can no longer buy OTC bras. (More likely these bazooms were a gift from my grandmother, who, after seeing me in a bathing suit when I was 12, said, “I’m so sorry. You inherited got my boobs. You’ll have grooves in your shoulders where your bra straps rub by the time you’re thirty.” She was off by 5 years.) Women are generally ingrained with the knowledge that big floppy breasts are not a sight to behold, but gravity (who is a “harsh mistress” *The Tick) has been relatively kind to me, and it felt like a million bucks to be fancy free for a couple of days.

Yeah, yeah. Lou’s a hippy.

Loueyville SE: Bonnaroo 2007-- Thursday Line-Up

New Orleans Klezmer All-Stars: Had to hometown represent. Always fun.

David Cross, Aziz Ansari, and Nick Kroll (Comedy tent): Nick Kroll, soon to be of the Geico Cavemen TV sitcom, opened the show as his Fabrice Fabrice character who would have been patently offensive if he hadn’t picked out a hipster, instamatic camera wielding hipster named Crunchy out of the audience and dicked around with her considerably. (I have a low tolerance for gay stereotype comedy.). At the very least, he’s talented on-the-spot. Aziz Ansari, of the MTV show Human Giant, was much funnier. Both joined David Cross onstage for a Blue Collar Comedy parody called “You Might be a Deadneck.” “You might be a Deadneck if… you hackysack, but only with white people… you wear your Widespread Panic shirt to a tractor pull…” Cross’s best moments were improvised, lambasting the stereotypes of Bonnaroo people as rich white girls in dreadlocks singing “Buffalo Soldier,” mocking the weird comedy stage, and complaining (rightly so) that if you listened very closely, it sounded like there was a heavy metal band playing right next door. Cross didn’t disappoint. The others, eh.

Yard Dogs Road Show: One of the best venues of the entire event was the new Bonna Rouge stage. Headlined by the Yard Dogs Road Show out of San Francisco, the Bonna Rouge stage offered cabaret-style entertainment. Yard Dogs featured fantastic vaudeville jazz and burlesque. Stunning stuff.

Loueyville SE: Bonnaroo 2007-- Friday Line-Up

The Little Ones: I missed their big performance the day before, but caught them at a smaller stage on Friday. One of the true pleasures of Bonnaroo was catching snippets of bands I’d never heard of before and falling in love. The Little Ones was the first of these. Joyful, fantastic music.

Uncle Earl: A four-woman bluegrass group who recently recorded an album produced by John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. Great stuff. I’d never heard it before. When JPJ took the stage to play the mandolin as a surprise guest, it was a genuine thrill. Later, he played with Gillian Welsh, and he apparently bopped around the bluegrass shows all weekend long.

Paulo Nutini: Started off a bit dull, but as soon as Roomate left to check out another show, he kicked it up. Played a great cover of Moby’s “Natural Blues.”

Gillian Welch: Sounded just like I hoped she would, like an angel. Won me at the first song, “Orphan Girl.” John Paul Jones guested. The only rain during the entire event occurred during her show.

Kings of Leon: Boring and repetitive. My opinion, though, was clearly in the minority.

Lily Allen: See Best Of

Firecracker Jazz Band: See Best Of

Angel and the Love Mongers: In the tiny Troo Music Tent, this Knoxville band was so good that for the first three or four songs, I was sure they were playing covers. Lead singer is a former model and actor, and his on-stage strutting and preening and pouting seemed a parody of rockstar-dom. But, alas, he was dead serious. Still and all, his voice made up for the silliness, and the whole set led Roommate to comment “there weren’t bands like this when I lived in Knoxville” on several occasions.

Loueyville SE: Bonnaroo 2007-- Saturday Line-Up

Old Crow Medicine Show: Saw them in 2006 at JazzFest, and that small stage was such a better venue for their old-timey sound. Still a great show.

Alexa Ray Joel: Girl’s got pipes! So nice to see celebrity spawn who has something to offer beyond her lineage. She’s cute as a button, and if you bumped into Alexa Ray at a party, you’d immediately snark to your best friend, “She’s adorable, but she looks like Billy Joel with braids.” Good original tunes, but it was a bit unnerving that she’d introduce each song saying, “This is my Ray Charles-y song” or “This is my Dolly Parton number” and it would be.

Gogol Bordello: Sounds like the party band for Johnny Rotten’s bar mitzvah. I listened to the first two and the last two songs. The last two were better than the first. Wish I had actually seen the band. Fountains of Wayne commented that they had a “naked” lead singer and dancing girls. Damn being short.

Fountains of Wayne: See Best Of

Damien Rice: See Best Of

Flight of the Conchords/ Demitri Martin: The women in line behind us commented that Demitri Martin was the boy they wanted to take home to their mothers. He’s not my type, but I get it. Old school, one-liner kind of comedy. Most of it was hilarious, but some jokes were met with a chorus of “huh?” Finished out the set with a hilarious song of a litany of insults called “You vs. Me.” Surprising lack of audience response to the final insult: “You: George Bush/ Me: Your place in history.” And what is one to make of New Zealand’s Flight of the Conchords, this folk band comedy act picks up where Spinal Tap left off 20 years ago… sort of. I’m waiting to see their HBO show to render my final verdict. Had some good belly laughs at songs like “Part-Time Model” and was surprised at how many audience members knew their stuff well enough to call out song requests. Also surprised at how many people left after a song or two. Not for everyone, clearly.

Police: Saw Sting at JazzFest a few years back, and no offense at all to the rock gods that complete the Police, but you could replace Axel Rose with Sting in Guns N Roses, have them play “Roxanne,” and I probably wouldn’t know the difference. Still and all, good stuff.